Alternative Facts

“Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad.”
‘The Masque of Pandora’, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 1875.

SEAN SPICER, physical age 45; emotional age 2. Former RNC Communications Director; currently Fake White House Press Secretary to the Fake President of the United States. Dependent Personality Disorder; big crybaby.
“This was the largest audience to ever witness an inauguration, period, both in person and around the globe”.

Hey, Sean, just chill out, dude! Sure it makes you mad to have to deliberately lie to the press & the media just because your boss tells you to, but you don’t have to act like an A-hole about it. That’s the nature of the job you readily agreed to do, so just suck it up, bro. It ain’t never gonna get any better than this, so you better learn to like it ‘cause your new boss is a compulsive liar who wouldn’t know an actual ‘fact’ if it repeatedly bit him on his fat presidential butt.

KELLYANNE CONWAY, physical age 50; mental age 3. Former pollster; currently Fake Counselor to the Fake President of the United States. Separation Anxiety Disorder; daddy’s girl w/o a daddy. “You’re saying it’s a falsehood, and […] our press secretary, Sean Spicer, gave alternative facts to that.”

Whoa there, Kellyanne! Slow down, you chatter box, you… blathering on & on & on about your personal opinions is not the same as actually reciting facts. Don’t you know that every time a pretty girl tells a lie it shows up on her face? Better go get yourself a copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray, girl, & read it thoroughly – your life-sized portrait is beginning to look a little raggedy-assed already, especially around your baby-blue eyes.

DONALD J. TRUMP, age 70; spiritual age zero. Former reality TV star; currently Fake President of the United States. Narcissist; Histrionic Personality Disorder; Persecution Complex; Frotteurism. “A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate.”

“Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.”

“In addition to winning the Electoral College in a landslide, I won the popular vote if you deduct the millions of people who voted illegally.”

Donald, Donald, Donald… you are destroying your own legitimacy with every word that comes out of your own stupid mouth. You can’t treat people the way you do without incurring a dreadful cost. Call it karma, or kismet, or destiny, or fate – we all eventually reap what we sow, and being a billionaire doesn’t change the law of Cause & Effect one iota. You are dead meat, my man, just walking around looking for a place to drop, whether you know it or not… and the more you say & do, the lousier your legacy will become in the history books. The only slim hope you still have is to SHUT YOUR FAT FACE IMMEDIATELY, and try to make amends during whatever short time you still have on this earth!


2 thoughts on “Alternative Facts

  1. Carl, do you think voter remorse is beginning to settle in on the Trump base? He is starting with an approval rating of 37% and I doubt he is going to crack 40% any time soon. Packing his cabinet with Goldman Sachs people and other swamp leeches has not instilled oodles of confidence. I don’t see his current strategy as being sustainable. A lot of his backers were pretty disappointed on Friday.


  2. Well, it’s pretty early for ‘buyer’s remorse’ to kick in, Stan… I mean the guy’s only on Day 3 so far… on the other hand, there has to have been quite a bit of “Oh, my God – he actually got elected! What have I done?!?” among the Independents and 3rd Party folks who chose not to vote Democratic, or even chose not to vote at all. As for actual Trump-ites, I doubt that most of them are even smart enough to recognize how badly they’ve been conned yet… most are still buying the hype or are dazzled by the constant slight-of-hand that Trump keeps pulling, in order to cover up what is really taking place. When their prescription costs under Medicare start rising enormously, or when they lose their health insurance, or when they find themselves having to purchase a Health Savings Plan (with reduced benefits) in lieu of Medicare, THEN they will start to squeal like stuck pigs… but of course, it will be far too late by then.


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